Disciplining an Autistic Child - How to Overcome the Difficulty?
Posted: Monday, May 07, 2007
by Jasman Arifin
http://www.autism.knowaboutthis.com
An autistic child may throw tantrum or behave aggressively when he is disappointed or frustrated as other children do. But he is not doing it intentionally, because as an autistic child, he is unable to understand that other people have thoughts and feelings. He doesn't know that other people hurt when he hit them. He may learn this as he gets older, but it may take sometimes. So how do parents of autistic children tell them to not hit other people? How can them handle their misbehavior? Here are a few short but helpful pointers to help parent in disciplining an autistic child.
The best method is through positive discipline, where you focus on his acceptable behavior and provide rewards so that your child would be encouraged to repeat the behavior. To do that, first you need to establish ground rules. The ground rules must states specifically of what is consider as an acceptable behavior and what is not. You must catch and reward him when he is well-behaved and following the rules. A reward need not necessarily be a physical or expensive reward. It can be a genuine praise or word of encouragement. Most importantly, the reward must be clear and specific. The child should be able to know exactly the behavior that earned the reward. Instead of saying "Good job," say "Thank you for cleaning up your room."
Most autistic children are not able to generalize information. They are usually not able to apply what they learn in one learning context to another learning context. For example, he may learn that hitting his friend at school is not acceptable, but he may not necessarily understand that he cannot hit his sister at home. That is, once the situation change, it will be a totally a new learning experience for him. Be consistent and provide many repetitions in disciplining them. If there is punishment, make sure that the punishment is always the same for the bad behavior. Consistent environment and many repetitions will help your autistic child to learn and remember the differences between right and wrong.
The key to discipline in children with autism is in teaching them what is appropriate and acceptable. Parents must provide a consistent environment and many repetition so that the autistic children can learn better. As their understanding improve, you may take some time to review the ground rules together with your child. It will help not only raising your child's awareness over his behavior but also will boost his self-esteem.
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More commentsMy autistic son needed extra supervision, he would physically hurt other children. He was in special needs daycare, that didn't help at all, we were forced to quit because he was disruptive and would hurt others. Biting, kicking scratching, screaming, punding, hitting he would go to all ends just because; after talking with various child psychologists and couple of pediatricians, we saw a lady spank her child at a support group. I was horrified, I thought he was going to blow up, then she sent him away and he cried like a normal child and went back to ruining action figures and humming while in his own little world. We have decided not to spare the rod, nothing works like physical punishment. When Logan does something hurtful to others he get swatted immediately. I feel bad, its almost like we are raising a puppy who doesn't love us, but, it works wonders and he can now play with others. Because he is autistic he demands more discipline, not less.Hmm i thought i was wrong. maybe your right? idkBeating a child is considered wrong. Spanking is a good tool if used carefully. Never spank when angry, know when spanking will and when it will not work (all children are different and respond to different disciplines. Spank on the bottom and do not leave bruises (abuse) Explain why a child was spanked when you have your "after talk". Don't use spanking as the 1st resort. If the love relationship is balanced with the discipline, spanking is okay. However, the balance is the priority and consider other options. Catch a child being good and reward with a hug or praise.
My son is 11 and severely autistic. He is generally very happy, skips and dances, hums. He isn't violent to other children or, for that matter adults. The problem I am having right now is that he is getting into everything- He has pica, which I know is common in autistic children. He seems to know right from wrong, and knows he shouldn't eat things like perfume, air freshener, mouthwash, soap, hand sanitizer, etc. When I walk in and notice him eating things like this, he runs in his room or to his favorite chair and looks guilty. I am terrified that he will end up getting into something that will really make him sick, or worse. We have put locks on cabinets, put things up high... he is clever and sneaky, and gets into things anyway. I start with telling him "no, this isn't food." The next time, I give him a timeout. After that I try one more timeout, then eventually have to swat his butt. He whimpers a little, then sits in his room for a while. I go in, give him a big hug and tell him that I don't want to spank him, but I would rather spank him that have him land in the hospital or have his stomach pumped. After about 10 minutes he is wanting to sit on my lap and cuddle. In this case, I see no reason why not to spank as a last resort. I don't use anything but my open hand, and am always sure to hug him and reinforce his good behaviors. I hope this helps! Just be patient!I totaly agree with you. I use it as a last resort with my son as well and it kills me everytime i have to do it and its always only the one swat and just enough to get his attention.
My son is 4 years old and we have found that when he does something good the positive reenforcement works wonders, weather its a high five or telling him your proud of him (ex. while you are driving) he remembers. When he hits someone or throws things, which is something he likes to do when throwing a tantrum, he knows what the punishment is for that already and we talk to him about it and he tells us that he has to go in time out because of what he has done, we got to that point with him by being consistant and always having the same discipline for the same actions at all times.
I am not sure where to start. I have a 5 year old that is high functioning for autism. He is also non verbal. He goes to school three full days out of the week. Until school started at the end of august, He has become very agressive to people as in hitting, and head banging the other person, and not listening to his teachers. It hurts because i feel like im not doing what im supposed to as a parent. He is my first born, and i have been his only parent. I have open handed swatedt my son. I have tried to use time outs, but he will not sit for them even if i put him back in his time out spot. Swatting him seems to help at home, but not sure what the school should do on their part. Im very frustrated and dont know what to do. Need some advice. Thankx!My son is six with autisum . When he was four he didn't talk I put him In speech at Scottish Rite clinic in Duluth for his speech and his behavior that really help
my family a lot. Now when he does his bad behavior we set times and he sits in his spot . We started out low because he doesn't still well . If he hits he had to tell the person he sorry give them a high five or a hug . That help our family. I was so happy when my son could say mom that a day I will never for get. I pray a lot .
Hi, i am needing help, my 4 year old son is autistic and i would like to know what i can do to make things a little easier. I have a 5 year old and a 7 week old also. He is destructive, doesnt listen to anyone and when he knows he done something wrong he constantly hits himself. I am out of ideas and run off my feet with him all day. Also i feel bad cause i am always focused on him my 5 year old feels left out. Please dont judge me i have tried everything.
I was taken out of my autistic child's life a little over two years ago when his mother remarried and moved to another state. He is now 8 years old and she has decided that she can no longer handle him. He was either going to a home, or with me. He has since picked up biting himself during his tantrums, and I really don't know how to detour him from doing so (brings me to tears everytime). I never had this problem with him when he was 6. This is my first weekend with him, and will have full custody by Christmas, and as far as his schooling, therapists, etc. goes, I have no clue where to start. I am his only source of support, but at the same time must work to support him. My schedule is 5am to no later than 3pm. This is going to be extremely tough as a single father, and I could use all the help that I can get.I understand delima. My child was not taken from me however, I do understand frustration as I am a single mother with the same issue. Luckily and thankfully I've been blessed to find people who've either raised or dealt with children with autism so they already know what to do and how to handle the behaviors that come along with it. I can tell u that children with autism have a difficulty adjusting to change in their daily routine. PATIENCE IS THE KEY! I can't stress this enough. It wears a little thin at times, very thin, but hang in there. Learn all u can about autism ( there are different levels and forms of it) and ur son. Just like everything else in his life, he has to get to know u and his knew his new surroundings. More importantly, show him that u love him and want to help him do that. Be consistent, be firm, be fair and re-enforce. When bad behavior comes into play, discipline (in my opinion) IS and can be very helpful. Reward is helpful for good behavior. JUST DON'T GIVE UP! On him or yourself . U CAN DO IT! When your stength is failing, call on the ONE who can restore it. HE NEVER FAILS! Good luck.Hi James from Tulsa
Your son is just confused and acting out his fears and anger. I suggest that you go to the website Autismspeaks and they would provide you with resources and information on how to help yourself and your son. Your son can receive services when a service provider will come to your home or school and work with him and you. They will make the transition go smoother for everyone involved. Hope this help. Sincerely, Brenda.
My family is at a loss. I have a 5 year old autistic nephew who is nonverbal. He cannot go anywhere because he is completely wild. He picks things up and throws them, takes food and drink from people. Every family party he comes to, he has a very hard time. His grandmother is raising him and she is to the point where she has given up. Please help us teach him the rules when he is our house at least! Any ideas?
I have a 2 year old with PDD, they weren't able to diagnose Autism because of his age. He's usually a sweet, loving, playful, NORMAL, little boy. He plays with cars, runs around the house with his blanket like a cape, average, everyday little boy stuff. But, when he decides to do something wrong, he sneeks, and hides, throws severe temper tantrums unlike anything I've ever seen! I have 8 other kids who don't have any signs or symptoms of PDD or Autism, and physical discipline has always been an effective method in my home, usually it only takes the "threat" of what we call "pow-pows" and they immediately correct their behavior! But with my 2 year old son it only seems to provoke him to be "badder" (excuse my lack of vocabulary there) until it finally comes down to taking his diaper off and giving him a few "real spankings". (on a scale of 1-10 if your pain level is a 10, his is a 3-4, so it's hard to get through to him without "going overboard") Then he corrects his behavior, but, I can't do that all the time! My wife gets FURIOUS with me and has threatened to leave and take my kids away! I need serious help! I already do everything the article suggested and even a few of the comments. Physical discipline is just no longer an option with my son, any other suggestions will be very helpful and much appreciated!Sometimes spanking it is not understood by kids with ASD in the same way others kids do. What you call something "wrong" might be his curiosity. I tell you about my own experience, my son was that way. Maybe this "wrong" behavior is due to his lack of communication skills. It will take time (like it took my son), but I think if you have the right a pproach, it will change, especially with therapy and when he develops more his language. Is he receiving therapy? what kind? ABA has worked for my son. You can even find in youtube videos on it.
First, he needs more time and dedication than your other kids did or do. So, playing, getting on the floor with him as much as you can (maybe you, your wife, your other children may take turns). Someone will need to be "on watch" to avoid the "wrong" behavior .... rather than to discover it after.
Maybe also try to get him out of the situation without many words ... just take him where he plays and try to get him occupied with a toy, then express how great he is doing ... You can be reinforcing (without knowing) the bad behavior if you make a big deal out of it. Or if you see he is going to a forbidden place (pantry, cabinet with cleaning supplies) try tell him where to go instead. Son, go to your bedroom (or where the toys are), if he still doesn't understand that instruction, say: BEDROOM and without talking, taking to his bedroom. once he is there, again try to engage him with a toy/activity. hope it helps a little bit.
It has been said, and I will reiterate, patience is the key! My son is 6 now, and diagnosed autistic at 2 1/2. Non verbal and violent to others and himself. The best thing for him is constancy. Keep a regular schedule. A lot of kids on the spectrum respond well to pictures. Make a schedule of the week with icons. Let them know what is going on. Just because they do not always respond does NOT mean they do not understand or pick up on tone. Like any other neurotypical kid, those with autism want to feel safe in their space. If it's often disrupted and chaotic, how can you possibly think that you can calm them through a meltdown? Hitting never works. It teaches them to fear their safety net. For those with kids that it's "worked" with, are they not still displaying aggressive behaviors without an ability to communicate? (And I mean in ANY way because I know some are nonverbal). For those it hasn't worked with....try something different! And stick with it! It is hard, and not what I expected of motherhood, but with my diligence I have come to see the strides that he has made. I am proud of him every single day and am grateful that he is who he is. I would also suggest not trying to figure it out on your own. Many school districts have programs available, not to mention other various groups. Without places like this I would have been lost 4 years ago. They not only help the kid, but all involved with the family.
Hitting, Corporal Punishment, Spanking, Pow pow, Physical punishment, etc. as you all have read "does not work". Autistic children have a high pain threshhold, and most don't understand why you hit them. When an adult resolves to hitting a child, it creates confusion, fear, and anger in both parties. It also shows that the adult has lost control of the situation on hand, and in turn the child loses trust and faith in the adult. Autistic children mimmick behaviors, so he/she will act out in the same way. I suggest that adults seek a ABA tutor to come into the home and help. Go to Autismspeaks, there you will find resources and information on how to obtain help for your child, yourself and the family. I pray that this helped. Take care and God bless, Brenda.
I couldn't disagree more. As a parent to a 16 year old low functioning autistic son, I went through all the coddling techniques and all I got in return was more of the same from my son. Once I started the physical discipline, I noticed a huge change. Gone are the days of slamming his head into the wall, nonstop manding and screaming. A little smack on the rear end does a lot more for ANY child than a soft voice. Go ahead and tell me what a terrible parent I am but I'm telling you, my life in the last 3 years has changed and my son is a much more pleasant person now that he understands cause and effect at our home.
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